7.22.10: The Many Faces of Facebook

By Robert Putnam

Facebook is a wonderful social media tool, but unfortunately, as others have previously written, many people have developed "over-the-top" personalities. I'm positive you will be able to instantly identify many of your friends and perhaps yourself in the following categories.

THE MOMMA MIA:
Not a day goes by that we don't receive multiple reports concerning the precious little one's bowel movements, diet and mood, AKA Kathy Gifford.

THE CLUBBER:
This guy never met a page he didn't "Like" so we are treated to 17 daily updates in our news feeds.

THE FISHERMAN:
He enjoys casting out his bait knowing half of his friends will agree and half will attack. Usually it's a political statement guaranteed to incite, ie., "Can you believe what Nancy Pelosi said?"

MRS. MUNDANE:
"I just picked up my dry cleaning"... "Just ordered Sushi"... "I'm tired and going to bed." Really? That is fascinating, thank you so much for sharing!

THE PARTIER:
He has played every drinking game invented and has 31 albums full of party pics to prove it.

THE PLAGIARIST:
This guy awakes each day compelled to inspire the FB nation with yet another Mark Twain snippet. I especially like the long, philosophical varieties.

THE COMEDIAN:
AKA Don Rickles...has a clever retort for every post regardless of whether or not it is appropriate, ie., "That's what she said."

THE PITY PARTIER:
AKA Rodney Dangerfield...never gets any respect, complains about the weather, hates work, or can't sleep. You get the picture.

THE ANCHORMAN:
AKA Walther Cronkite...links every news story on the web as if none of us has any other source of information, ie., "Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor."

THE MYSTERIAN:
Posts small phrases designed to puzzle her friends..."If only I had known!"..."Why does this keep happening?"..."Wow!"..."Stay tuned!"

THE MYSTERIAN ENABLER:
"What's the matter?"..."Is everything ok?"..."What can we do to help?"

THE GAMER:
"I just reached the 963rd level of Mafia Wars!"..."Please, I need help in Farmville tending my strawberries and chickens!"...REALLY?... Go outside and get some fresh air! (Thank you FB for installing the "Hide" button.)

THE BIN LADEN:
Sets up his FB account and then hides in a cave for the next year.

THE EXHIBITIONIST:
Lady Gaga and Matthew McConaughey have nothing over this person. Don't you know potential employers search for "Girls Gone Wild" moments?

THE CLUELESS:
Presses the "Like" button when Marsha posts from Uncle Fred's funeral.

MR. ANONYMOUS:
Put up a picture already! Surely someone in your sphere of influence is capable of uploading a pic or two.

THE TAGGER:
And finally, this person (usually young) thinks it is cute to post pictures of you in compromising situations without your permission. Sure you can delete them, but usually mom, your minister and Aunt Helen have already started hyperventilating.

I've been guilty of these transgressions on occasion and perhaps you have as well. But, if you are chronically annoying your friends...please stop!